Not everybody can cook, but that's not the issue here. The issue is if a particular gender is supposed to cook, or will choose to cook.
When Mrs. Deborah Adebisi chose to comment on X how she prioritized cooking her husband's lunch over more hours of sleep, a controversy that had been lying low for some time, jumped on the rope and soared really high. People developed different opinions and points of view to the matter.
Some pointed accusing fingers at her husband, some lamented her "misfortune", some encouraged her strategy, some criticised her initial "lackadaisical attitude", and some began to encourage her decision with their little two-pence.
Literally.
Those two pence have become over twenty-million naira in cash and kind.
To analyse this story, which is very true by the way, with the Feminist Literary Theory, Cultural Theory and the Masculinity Theory would be to bring out aspects that show how gender is portrayed and interplays, as well as the controversies that could come out of the ideology of the perfect family.
While Mrs. Debbie's actions might have been borne out of love, a desire to serve, prioritize her husband, and act wisely, while not pointing accusing fingers, people on X interpreted her actions as a cushion to the "excesses" and "weaknesses" of men.
Generally, the Nigerian culture encourages the female gender being in charge of the culinary activities in the home. However, the Feminist perspective proposes that this should not be a rule, the woman should not be limited to the kitchen, and it is not mandatory for the woman to cook. Some perspectives propose that what should guide role-specification should be mutual agreement and understanding, not stereotypes. A number of people, both male and female, are not in support of this view as they believe cooking is a chief responsibility of the wife in the home.
Therefore, when some "feminists" took aggressive sides, portraying Mrs. Debbie to be disadvantaged - being pregnant and 'having' to wake up early to cook for her husband - different people came up with perspectives. This portrays the engineering of the culture to portray the roles of the male and female in different lights. A man who cooks would be seen as feminine, according to Janet Chafez's Masculinity Theory which proposes that the male gender dominates the female. In this light, it is acceptable for the woman to serve the man irrespective of whether it serves her a disservice. Since this is a widespread practice, (the woman working twice as hard - manning the office and manning the kitchen, manning the children, and manning the home) the women who spoke on Twitter took an aggressive turn which was largely denigrated.
Men who encouraged the notion of cooking women decided to prove their masculinity and support of her selfless action by choosing to reward Mrs. Debbie with contributions to her account, eventually to her turnaround.
Nevertheless, while culture is built by a people and meant to serve the people, it is not always perfect. It is necessary to see that the secret of Mrs Debbie (MumZee) and her husband's happy home is not her cooking, or him working; it is the fact that they each prioritize the other and serve the other in love. She chose to wake up earlier because she knew she would be doing the right thing by making that extra effort to take care of her husband. That doesn't mean he shouldn't/couldn't cook his lunch, he might not just have deemed it as necessary. That doesn't mean that every wife must make her husband's lunch before he goes to work, but that was what was chosen to work for them. They probably overlooked the issue until she saw that ignoring it might lead to a potential problem and stood up to tackle the issue the best way she could.
At the end of the day, the issue of gender and family roles will never go by a straight-cut rule. However, mutual respect, love, consideration, and service would go a long way to promote equity, fairness, joy and fulfilment in every setting, whether within or outside the home.
Do you think the responsibilities for the male and the female in the home are actually straight-cut?
Let me know in the comments' section or send a message.
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